In the last episode of Family Feud and Family Fortunes, 100 random members of the general public were asked. “Name a common thought”,
The bleached blonde presenter asked the two families what they think “our survey” said.
“Serial Killers don’t feel guilty” was number one.
Number two was
I don’t expect porn stars to collect tadpoles as a hobby”
This began a very much heated debate. The families feuded ‘ the Morrissons’ believing that porn stars also don’t enjoy Chai Tea Lattes the Franklins disagreed.
The Franklins fought back with the Aunty Tracy Franklin saying that she once met a porn star in a local petrol station who daydreamed as a child of daydreaming about Maggie Smith holding her tightly whilst walking her around the Secret Garden with the sounds of frogs crocking.
Uncle Frank Franklin said that that kind of person must also like Chai Tea Lattes.
That episode became famous, primarily because it ended up with the Morrisson’s and Franklins physically violent. Secondly because a group of Harvard Philosophy students protested outside the TV Studios questioning if asking a 100 people is enough to summarise popular opinions.
Fredric stood up and clapped and cried when he saw this protest.
Fredric liked Chai Tea Lattes , Maggie Smith and collected Tadpoles as a small child.
Fredric three years ago dressed up a Chubaka in the porn version of Star wars.
Fredric was gay but the porn involved him and Princess Leila. He did this for his boyfriend of nine years who suffered from Heterophobia thus didn’t mind Fredric doing porn with women..
Fredric and His boyfriend split up last night. Fredric already had a mouth ulcer a common symptom of heartbreak.
Today I stood behind Fredric in the queue for a Chai Tea Latter in Star Bucks. A Little Child was playing with a toy light saber because of the new Star Wars film release.
Fredric nearly had steam coming out his ears , he nearly murdered the little boy. You know the way you nearly murder everyone post break up.
The light sabers brought back bad memories.
As I ordered my Chai Tea Latte at the same time as Fredric, we looked at each other and smiled.
His smile wasn’t a full smile because his ulcer stopped him from smiling.
“You have a face like a counsellor” Fredric said.
“Thanks, I always imagined myself as that once in the sopranos”.
“you like helping the mafia offload their problems?” Fredric said.
“that and I have a thing for James Gandolfini”.
“hopefully not now?” Fredric asked.
We laughed over the necrophilia joke and felt smug in our annoying independent movie style meeting.
We sat together. Comparing ways we could shut up the little child with the light saber.
The conversation then went onto heartbreak.
We sipped our chai lattes whilst Fredric told me how he and his ex would take shelter from the big bad world in inch others armpits, and feel as if they were two small boys going for magical walks when they were together, as if in a french novel of hyperreality and fantastical metaphor.
They loved each other foreskins and soul which was the perfect match, their conversations were like two noisy tennis players who would live for eternity and play for eternity, making excited noises every time the other would pass the ball to them.
I didn’t quite understand Fredric’s metaphor.
Fredric looked his phone and his mouth ulcer got more sore as the text was from his ex boyfriend.
He wrote what he said on a tissue as his mouth was so sore from the heartbreak.
“thinking of you, just met a old cross eyed man called Malcolm in the laundrette who lives in there in a tent because the way the machines go round and around reminds him of live”
Fredric mimed – ‘thats how every day felt with him, like being fed by magic’
I didn’t know what to say and the only thing I wanted to say was how I had seen Fredric in porn and loved it, because it was non violent and included a lot of foreplay ; rare in porn. But it was a bad time.
As the conversation came to a natural silence where two people just look around the room.
Fredric said that they both had sex dreams about their dad twice a week which made them obsessed with Freud, and that it was actually because they craved intimacy from their dads. “Two gay men with silent dad who craved intimacy our dangerous” Fredric said.
To be honest I was distracted by a murderous thought for the young child with the light saber.
Fredric just thought that profound comment was for the universe to hear, so didn’t get offended by my deaf ears.
I suddenly jumped up, Fredric goofily jumped up too.
We knew each other mischeivous thoughts.
Like something from the non porn version of Star Wars, we got up and stealing the light sabers from the child’s hands.
That night we spent drinking red wine, fighting each other with light sabers, in his house which was the only thing that made him the stereotype of a porn star (fur rugs , a wall mounted TV and a rooftop garden).
That night we told heartbreak to fuck off. We hooked up. He said I could just be a rebound.
He just texted me for a second date.
canistaylonger 